i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
