You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
