Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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