all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
