I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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