I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
