its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
