dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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