Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
