Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
