This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm too high and old for this...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
