Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
