just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
