her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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