he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
