I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
