So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
