Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
please don't ironically join a cult
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