Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
