Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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