I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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