I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
