Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
