so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
