If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
