Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
