What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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