CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
