True but thats because hes a fetus.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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