Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
