Someone shit on the floor
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
