Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have feelings that need drinking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
