my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
