I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
