Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Randomize
