Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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