I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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