He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
