I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
