We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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