If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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