I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
