"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
