Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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