i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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