She is in my trunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
