My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
