first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
