my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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