Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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