1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
