Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
its liver damage thursday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
