2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
