I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
