oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
