Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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