You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
