Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
