This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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