Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
