If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
