ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
