i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
