Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
