How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what is it with giant penises always finding me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
