i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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