Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
