Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
