We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
