we have officially lost it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
