Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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