i just wanna soil my oats bro
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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