On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
