Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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