Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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