so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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