why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
