think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
