He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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