So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
