I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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