Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
