HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
