when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
