He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
